As I have been thinking of what to say about my sister at her upcoming wedding, it isn’t very hard. I already say it all the time! Unfortunately, it hit me how infrequently I say it to her face! This brings us to today’s topic: ‘Don’t just talk nice behind others’ back; say it to their fronts.’ It is lovely to think sweet and loving thoughts about those we care about and express gratitude and appreciation for them to others. Still, more importantly, we should be saying it to them directly.
Remember, your loved one is not a mind reader. They have no idea what thoughts are going through your head unless you tell them! However, when it comes to those closest to us, all they hear is our criticism (or at least off-balanced in that direction) or silence. Why is that?
Why are we, as humans, so equally great and terrible at communicating? We understand the principle of it and can speak well enough to survive and make it through each day. Still, when it comes to sharing with those closest to us, we tend to retard all we know. (And yes, that is an appropriate use of that word. Don’t be immature!)
It is as if we get so comfortable with our loved ones that we believe they should know everything we are thinking. We honestly expect them to be reading our minds and understand what is going on up in those jammed packed and overstimulated noggins of ours. That is when we end up being sure to voice our every frustration and agitation to them or about them. Still, we expect them to know how much we love and appreciate them. We tend to be more critical and negative in what we verbalize to our loved ones. Or, just silent and hardly verbal at all with them. We are thinking of them warmly and frequently in our hearts, but how are they supposed to know that? We sure aren’t telling them!
Many moons ago, in my undergrad coursework, one of my courses, (maybe speech?) had us write a eulogy for someone we cared about who was still alive. It was such a huge eye-opener as I recognized other than ‘I love you’, I hadn’t shared any of those thoughts with that individual before. Once it was written, we were challenged to go and share that love and admiration with them right now rather than waiting until they were no longer with us.
So now I am challenging you to do the same. Think about those you love the most in this world. Then consider how open you have been recently with communicating that to THEM. Take the time to either jot a letter where you really let them know how much they mean to you, or plan a time to be present without interruptions and connect with them by telling them right to their face. No more expecting them to ‘just know’ how much you care. No more expecting them to read your mind, no more telling everyone else how proud you are of them behind their backs – go and tell them right to their fronts!
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